I come from Venus, but live on Mars

OK, so, that title has nothing do to with my sexuality, amazingly enough. Although, I’m pretty sure I’m bi because of that..

Anyways, so what the title IS talking about is my star-sign.

I’m a Libra. Born Oct. 21. WHICH, by the way, is like 2 days away from being a Scorpio- which is what I USUALLY say I am. Libra is ruled by Venus. Scorpio is ruled by Mars and Pluto.

The combination tends to be lethal.

Assuming these two personalities are different people, let me explain to you what happens in my mind every day of the week:

Libra is open minded, social, sensitive, romantic, likes to express herself, while Scorpio is quiet, sturdy, possessive, over protective, and generally doesn’t express herself.

You can imagine. Since I am all of these things, you can see where I have trouble EXPRESSING MYSELF. Half of me wants to get everything off my chest, but that half, the Libra half, is buried inside of me, since I don’t live on Venus anymore. What generally controls me is Mars, my Scorpio side, who doesn’t want, nor know how to express my feelings. What this usually ends up leading to is that I go through and analyze myself and my feelings, but never actually voice them to anyone but me. I get pissed at both sides. One for talking to fucking much, and one for staying so closed up!

I’m also a bit confused about HOW I feel, not just about how I express it. While my Libra side is very sensitive, my Scorpio side is rather sturdy, and emotionally stable. This is actually a pretty good thing though, since my Scorpio side is the outer personality, it protects my sensitive Libra. So this means that you can only get me emotional on certain things that REALLY get to Libra, no matter how hard my shell is. Things like…love…and abandonment…

But it’s not like Libra is the damsel in distress or anything, she does an even more important job from the inside: Keeping the peace. Scorpio, while generally very shut- up when it comes to emotional shit, is actually very emotional and hot tempered herself. Which means that if you push too hard, I will make you bleed. Period. Physically or emotionally, I don’t much care.

Thankfully, since Libra dislikes conflict, she usually does her shit and calms me down. Which, actually, is pretty annoying ’cause sometimes I just REALLY want to punch someone in the face…

Love is kind of um, awesome for me though. Since I’m both very romantic and cuddly, while at the same time very possessive and over protective, I can pretty much cover all the bases with this. Plus my boyfriend slash fiancé is a Leo, which is REALLY good since he’s very compatible with both my personalities.

When it comes to Scorpio and Leo we’re both pretty stubborn and inflexible. Luckily we don’t argue about anything, and the only time either of us submit to the other is during sex, or when one of us needs to hear the voice or reason.

Which is often…

Also, even though Scorpio is demanding, she’s pretty subtle about exerting dominance and control- whereas Leo is more …blunt and outspoken. It kind of goes back to the whole expressing myself thing: it’s just hard for me to do.

However, I’m getting over this, slowly but surely. To that, I give him thanks.

Now with Libra and Leo it’s a little different.

Still on the Leo is very blunt subject, ha, Libra also has a little bit of trouble with that. While she loves establishing an honest, open relationship, the abrasiveness kind of gets to her. Doesn’t bother her, so much as she can’t respond to it well.

Other then that Libra and Leo are very much alike. Common interests and attitudes make us very compatible.

Both of us; me with my bi-zodiac-ness, and him with his Leo; are very loyal people, which cuts down on any and all chance for infidelity or abandonment from both parties. We’re both very emotional and opinionated which is always fun- or at the least it doesn’t bother either of us when the other wants to bitch, ha!

All in all, despite my contradicting personality traits, I think I chose the right partner- since he’s both outstandingly compatible and attracted to me, as am I to him, I think when we get married we’ll have an excellent relationship. Far better then anyone else I’ve met, anyways.

So, while I get a bit irritated at myself sometimes, I can’t help but to be thankful for both of my signs since they give me, at the least, some balance.

So thank you, me.

Why you’re welcome, thank you too, me.

“Mommy Mode”

So, as you know, I enjoy analyzing my every thought and feeling. Yeah, fucking irritating, I know.

But anyway; I was recently asked “Why do you feel inadequate when I am the one who gets upset? It’s not like it’s your fault!”

Then I thought, ‘why do I feel that way?’. I tried explaining it in my mind and didn’t come up with any good answer.
Then, out of nowhere, I compared myself to what I felt was a good example of my feelings on the subject.

“I’m acting like an over protective mother…” was what I thought.

Ding!

And that’s when I realized that that was why I feel the way I do so often!

Let me give you an example.

When my boyfriend, or just a close friend of mine gets upset depressed, or self loathing, or whatever, immediately I get upset. I feel inadequate, not good enough…a failure, for all intents and purposes.
The reason why i feel this way, I discovered, is that whenever anyone close to me gets upset, I immediately switch to mommy mode.

Have you ever gotten bullied or something and told your mom, and then later heard her cry in her room because of it? Well now I know why that is:

Whenever your child gets hurt like that, you get overprotective, and these feelings of inadequacy take you over. Like it’s your fault that your baby got upset, because you weren’t able to protect them. You weren’t there to stop it from happening. And that’s all you want. Being a mother means going out of your way to protect you child from things that can hurt them. So whenever they do actually get hurt, it’s your fault because you weren’t able to shield them from that. At least, that’s how I feel most of the time.

Now, I go mommy for other reasons too. If someone is just plain upset, or angry, I go mommy too. I’ll calm them down, go all affectionate, do what needs to be done to fix the problem; whatever it may be.

This irritates some of my friends actually, when I do this. ‘Cause I call them weird pet names, like “sweetie” or whatever..They don’t seem to like that.

It kind of worries me…

For example, I read in a porno once (yes, I’m quoting porn now, ’cause that’s related to maternalism…seriously, it is..), and it said this:

***Biology Vocab***
01: “And what are these?”
02: “Breasts”
01: “What is their purpose?”
02: “Feeding! They’re for feeding offspring”
01: “So a woman must have a child for them to produce milk?”
02: “No, the hormones there aren’t ovarian, they’re pituitary. If stimulated enough, any woman’s breasts may eventually give milk.”
*****************

Ha, that was fun..

Anyways, so after going over that in my mind, I thought ‘Well I certainly go mommy a lot, would that be pituitary stimulation? Could I just randomly produce milk one of these days?”

That would suck…

Don’t your breasts go all tender and shit when you breastfeed? Not to mention they’ll be leaking milk…as if that wouldn’t be irritating enough…unless like, you’re actually breastfeeding. ‘Cause that’s totally different. That’s to feed your offspring.

But anyways, that just sounds like it would suck if it happened.

Whatever, the two things probably have nothing to do with each other, ha.

Anyways, so obviously I want to be a mommy someday. I want my first baby when I’m 22. ‘Cause I’m that cool…

…Don’t judge me!

*sniffle*

Now you’ve got me all emotional! Way to go!

Asshole…

…

Sorry, you know I don’t mean that!

Warning: Possible Risk of Dependency

As I’m sure you’ve figured out by reading my previous posts, before I started dating, I was a terribly lonely person. However, I was okay with being lonely. I was used to it, and it didn’t bother me as much. Now, on the other hand, I can’t seem to be alone for more then a few hours before I go through withdrawals and get needy.
The whole thing kind of pisses me off though, ’cause the things I say *to me anyways* sound extraordinarily irritating. Which is why I’m really kind of thankful that he is the same way, because if not, there would be a problem on our hands.
However, this really hasn’t been the best day as a whole, and especially after the unnecessary self-analysis, so now I’m feeling vaguely depressed. Actually, that’s a lie, I’m not depressed, but I’m really lonely, needy, and insanely bored! I need to get a life…
Really, they should warn us about these things! All single people should wear a psychiatrist approved button saying “Warning: Possible Risk of Dependency.”

Stress Relief

Have you ever wondered why older people always seem so stressed out?
Why your mum won’t stop bitching to you about EVERY LITTLE THING?
Why your teachers always seem so pissed off all the time?
Well, I have finally found an answer.
They need to get laid.

Now before you get all disgusted at the horrible mental images, hear me out!

How do you feel after you have sex?
After you masturbate?
You feel pretty fuckin’ amazing, yeah?
Well, who’s to say that the same concept doesn’t apply to everyone?

How often do old people get any? Once a year? Less? No wonder they’re so pissed off! All that stress just piles up on them and they have no way to vent, except to take it out on you!

And because I know that sex in any form is a proven way to relieve stress, I advise you to throw the idea to your mum one of these days.

Now granted, she’ll probably yell at you for being vulgar, and shy away from the topic, but at that point you will have planted the idea into their mind. They will think about it.
They will be forced to remember all the times they had sex when they were younger, and how good they felt afterwords. They’ll be curious, try it out *sorry for the images* and with any luck, your life will have just gotten a hell of a lot easier.

So while it’s probably not the best advise, I encourage people to go out meet someone *or seduce whomever you’re with currently* and shag like rabbits.
If that doesn’t work for you- masturbate.
Really, go to whatever it is you want….except rape. Rape is bad, I wouldn’t advise it.
…
Don’t rape me…

Soulmate Stigmata

So, I got a boyfriend like a month or so ago, and we seem to be fucking PERFECT for each other. Seriously, if you looked up everyone with my personality traits, I’m sure he’d be in the top 13.
In fact, the only thing shitty about this whole thing, is that we ALSO seem to share an IMMUNE SYSTEM.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s really kind of romantic in an odd, perverse kinda way, but it kinda sucks to suddenly get a stomach ache the same time he does.
Yeah.
It’s happened.

If it were possible for him to change sexes, he’d probably PMS the same time as me too. We got it as close as it can get though, when I bleed, he cramps.
I actually think that’s kinda funny..

I suppose it could be worse, I mean, in stead of sharing an immune system like we do, we could share PAIN. Like, he’d stub his toe and I’d be bruised. Or I bite my hand and he gets the marks.
That’d just be WEIRD though!

Thankfully it hasn’t gotten that far, we kinda stopped at the reading minds.

But maybe that’s just ’cause I’m awesome.

None of this bothers me though, ’cause I’m so very easily pleased. Gimme a hug and I’ll just as soon forget about the random stomach cramps.

It also helps that I’m his every fetish personified.

How can something as stupid as stigmata get to you when you’ve got your soul mate?

Well whatever, I guess that’s just how us soul mates get sometimes.

Lucky I love him so much- OW! God damn it Mark!

Me, Myself, and That Voice Who Hates Me

I’m 15 years old. Whoop-de-fuckin’ do. Seriously, nothing that bad has happened in my life for me to gain the privilege of bitching about it. However, I am very good at picking up on drama in OTHER people’s lives, and, combined with my own lonely existence, I have come up with a conclusion as to why people, in AMAZING relationships, still seem to think that EVERYONE (including their loved ones) hates them.

Here’s Why:

1. Because you’re afraid of intimacy.
2. Because you’re so used to to the feeling of self hate, that the lack thereof is completely alien to you.

Scenario One:
You’re in a relationship with this AMAZING person, who you love, but you’re afraid. You are afraid that one day this person will reject you and throw you back to the depression from whence you came, and you KNOW that by that point this person will be your everything. You are so afraid that your heart will be broken that you WANT this person to hate you, to reject you now before you fall too deep.

Now there’s really nothing to do about this, but trust that that person LOVES you, and genuinely WANTS to be with you. You just need to get it through your head that rejection ISN’T the end of the world. Hopefully, this fear is just that, a fear. With any luck, you will move over this fear into a HAPPY existence. Now, doesn’t that sound WAY more appealing then wallowing in self pity for the rest of your life?

Yes. Yes it does.

Scenario Two:
You are lonely. You have had a total of MAYBE five lasting friends in your life, very little(if any) of a romantic life, and you are just SO used to feeling complete and total self hate and pity that it has actually become a part of your everyday life.

I feel for YOU.

Even when in an amazing relationship with a person who ADORES you, you can’t help but wish they hated you sometimes. You’ve actually gotten so used to this self hatred and loneliness that you’re kind of addicted to it. It’s like the cigarette of emotions. You WANT to stop, you KNOW it’s not healthy, but you NEED to feel it or your body will feel PHYSICALLY empty!

What can you POSSIBLY do in this situation?

Hope and PRAY that the person you end up with is willing to tell you EVERY DAY that you’re worth something, because really, that’s all that can help with this.

OR to help BOTH situations.

Get with the person with the opposite problem. That way, you can help each other and THAT certainly makes for a productive relationship.

The both of you would be clingy, and starved for attention, so any affection from the other would be GREATLY appreciated. You can assure them that they are loved, and they can tell you that you’re needed.

It’s a win-win situation.

Unless, god forbid, one of you dies. But that’s a WHOLE different set of problems right there, so I’ll leave that for another time..maybe.

In the mean time though, go and mingle, and cuddle each others’ brains out because their LIFE IS ON THE LINE.
So go cuddle.
Unless you want to be a murderer.
…Asshole.

Online Relationships

By observing and participating in various online relationships, I’ve come to the conclusion that ANY online relationship can be sorted into the following categories:

Lonely: Attraction based on the need to feel needed

Desperate: Attraction based on wanting to feel wanted

Sexual: Attraction based on physical appearance and sex

Bored: Attraction based on the fact that you’re both bored and decided this might be fun

Now think hard about this: When analyzing your current/previous relationship tell me you can’t put it into one of these categories. Online or no. Seriously, you can’t. THIS IS WHY WE HAVE RELATIONSHIPS.

Now, which of these relationships will ACTUALLY last?

Well, any of them could, given enough effort- but the easiest one to maintain would have to be the Lonely relationship. Why? Because if you NEED something enough, then eventually you WILL start to want it. Really. If, lets say you’re depressed and you seriously NEED a hug. Right then, or you will start crying hysterically. Well let’s say you get that hug. Now your need has been fulfilled. This is repeated many times and you know what happens? Randomly during the day, you just really wanna cuddle. No reason why. The need eventually becomes a habit and you can’t help but WANT it during the day for no apparent reason.

The same is true for relationships.

If you absolutely NEED someone in your life, then you’re willing to take the first lonely person who takes an intrest in you. You need them, they need you, so go need each other together. Eventually the need for that person will turn into a habit and you will then just plain WANT that person. Doesn’t matter how they look, or what their beliefs are *though believe me, those are SERIOUS pluses* you just want that person around you, ’cause really, who else is going to put up with your shit?

Yeah, no one.

Which brings us to the Desperate relationship.

Desperate relationships are those created off one of those god-forsaken online dating services. These relationships are based on the attraction to who you TRY to be.

You TRY to be insightful, patient, athletic, nice. You aren’t. You WANT to be. You ATTEMPT to be. But you’re not. These relationships rarely work out because it’s based off ‘want’.

Do you know what happens when you REALLY want something?

You get it.

Then know what happens?

You get bored.

Now imagine yourself, years from now, with the guy/girl you met on *for the sake of the argument* Match.com. Will you really want that person then? That clingy, rude, ignorant, redneck son of a bitch you met online because you liked the person they wanted to be. In all actuality, you won’t make it a month with them. Know why? Because the REAL them, just isn’t worth your trouble. And after you break up, like the three month old who can’t connect the action with its’ result, you will go right back to Match.com and meet some other loser who you’ll brake up with after three years and you’ll be wondering why your relationships just don’t seem to work.

Because of this, you’ll get depressed and start going out and looking for people just to be with SOMEONE. You don’t even need the relationship anymore at this point, just some pretty face to go screw on the weekends. This is the Sexual relationship. Based on pure physical attraction. This won’t work. If you make it into marriage with this person, I pity you. ‘Cause really, if you’re with this person five years from now you can’t really say you’ll be HAPPY.

They *or you* will still want the plain, dirty sex relationship you had in the beginning, and you *or they* will be looking for some actual romance. There will be infidelity, there will be jealousy, there will be fist fights, and eventually, divorce and restraining orders. Not a good idea.

And finally there is the Bored relationship.

This is the one where you meet some random person in a chat room, or on myspace, or facebook or wherever the hell you go to socialize online, and you get with someone because you think they’re cool.

This is an entire relationship, based purely on boredom, and the attraction to the awesome person you pretend to be.

Obviously this won’t work out either.

It might last about three weeks, before one of you gets bored and decides to move on to the next profile.

However, like I said, any of these relationships will work, depending on the people in them. If you find your true soul mate, someone who by the grace of God found you online and actually managed to be your fucking twin, then you probably could have a chance with them regardless of the way the relationship starts. Even if you just met on Youtube, asking for copyright privileges.